My Tool Box: The Calm Down Count Down

 

Part of the unsolicited adventure of having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is that I dissociate. Sometimes, I lose connection and I'm not aware. I feel spacey, foggy or fuzzy...like I'm in a daze. Sometimes, I am aware.

I tend to dissociate when I'm stressed or come head to head with an intense emotion. It is my brain's way of protecting me when I may be in danger of one thing or another. I believe that everyone is capable of this, because we all have the flight or freeze responses. This is my brain's way of running when my body cannot. Unfortunately, the traumas I have been through (living trauma) causes everything to throw up the red flags and sound the inner sirens.

It's like this:

As a child, we are told not to touch the hot pan because it will hurt. We may not understand pain, or believe it, so one day we touch the hot pan and we get burned. It hurts and we know that we don't want to do to that again. Later, when we are in the kitchen, or cooking, and we reach for the pan, an alarm goes off in our brain to warn of us of the danger of being burned. This way, we can take the proper measures to avoid the pain and we can try to warn others, as we were warned

For me, it feels like I am trapped in a room filled with pans on stoves. There is no protection and no way to tell which pans are hot. I feel overwhelmed, unsafe and if I try to reach for any pan, my brain flashes the memory of being burned or makes me freeze. I get lost outside of myself and sometimes where I am. Sometimes, it is like I can see me and what I'm doing as if I were a bystander.

A few years ago, I was watching a show called "The Fosters". It is a great show about a family (The Fosters) who take care of foster kids and the journey of those kids into a better life. Some take the rough road and some have it seemingly easy for a while. In one of these episodes, one of the main characters has a panic attack. It was her first one so she didn't know what to do (I've been there, many times). Another character, who may have triggered the attack, began to say "Name five things you see...out loud." 

The character struggled to do this, but finally managed though she still was in a panic. Then there was a list that I have actually used, I call it the "Calm Down Count Down":

• Name 5 things you see, and at least 1 characteristic for each. (Blue eyes on the cat, the old, orange brick fireplace....etc). The more specific you can get, the easier it is to ground but the things you see, is often too early to get specific.
• Name 4 things you can touch (and touch them), describe at least 1 characteristic for each.
• Name 3 things you can hear and describe that noise (annoying, soft, shrill, calming, bubbling...etc)
• Name 2 things you can smell, and describe each one.
• Name 1 thing you can taste or feel (as emotion).

For me, this kind of grounding, being aware of my surroundings, helps me if I am struggling with dissociation or panic/anxiety. Typically, this helps me more in settings that I'm not familiar with. So, doctor's office, a classroom, the mechanics....anywhere that I'm not constantly having to move. This does not help me in the groccery store, there is just too much going on and I get even more overwhelmed. Although it still works, it does not have as great of an effect at my house because I know what everything is. 

There is no "One size fits all" method for people. Even more annoying, not everything works all of the time. I have spent the last two years researching and going to counseling to add tools to my toolbox to help me cope with my symptoms and thrive. Just like a tape measure isn't the correct tool for pounding in a nail (at least not a very effective one), this tool may not be the one you need, at the time.

You don't have to have C/PTSD or panic disorders in order to use this. Sometimes, I use it when I don't want to think about something or when I'm bored. It does tend to help panic, I find, because it takes your mind off your lungs and the idea that you can't breathe. It puts your mind on parts of your body that might typically feel safe and focus on your senses. 

I will be writing more posts on some of the tools that, I find, help me.